All right, to the news. Like I said, over the weekend, Iran launched an all-out attack on Israel, shooting as many as 300 drones and rockets at the Jewish state. And I don’t mean Florida. The result? One injury. One. By that metric, it was far more dangerous to be on the New York subway this weekend than strolling around Tel Aviv. Seriously, you have a better chance of getting hurt trying to take a burrito from Whoopi Goldberg.
Give credit to Israel’s air defense system, Iron Dome, which is the same nickname we gave Jesse Watters’ head. Now, however, give the Iranians their due. It’s an accomplishment to send hundreds of projectiles and kill no one. Nobody has bombed this badly since Jimmy Failla got his own show. When he gets preempted by disaster coverage, viewers can’t tell the difference.
But it’s all a reminder that Iran typically prefers to do its dirty work by proxies, grimy organizations like Hamas, Hezbollah and the University of California, Berkeley. But this was an escalation and any time an enemy nation does something it hasn’t done before, you got to ask why. What’s changed? Iran certainly hasn’t. The mullahs are the same charming gents they’ve been since ’79. And that’s 979, in case you’re counting.
So then what’s changed? Well, America. Namely, a president who’s weaker than Jimmy Carter in ’79. Hell, he’s weaker than Jimmy is now. Remember the old phrase, speak softly and carry a big stick? Now it’s mumble incoherently and use a walker. On top of that, we’ve got a broken southern border, disgraceful Afghanistan retreat, and a military that’s more concerned with trans than torpedoes. Our best hope is that our enemies die laughing. If you don’t believe me, consider the difference between October 7th and April 13th.
Iran’s doctrine has always been ‘let the people we supply and train have the literal blood on their hands,’ [and] we’ll stay back like the craven cowards we are. Except for this Saturday. Sure, the Iron Dome works, but come on, Iran couldn’t kill a single person. Obama’s drone strikes killed more than that accidentally. The lesson is when Iran has to do the dirty work themselves, they don’t. They farm it out. Like when I have interns deep clean my jacuzzi. So why did they bother with this? Maybe to see if Biden would answer the 3 a.m. call or a 3 p.m. call, or if he’d respond to his home health aide trying to shake him awake.
Remember Obama’s red line when he threatened Syria but did nothing when they crossed it? That showed the Middle East that America’s resolve was softer than Bill Clinton seeing Hillary step out of the shower. Now, say what you want about Trump but one of the things the media hated about him was his unpredictability, which kept stuff like this from happening. It’s funny when academics or the State Department use that strategy, they give it a fancy term like ‘strategic ambiguity.’
Strategic ambiguity. I guess it applies here. But with Trump, it’s called unstable, erratic. But it’s the same thing. Make the enemy wonder what you’re capable of and keep them worried. You know, like a good football coach would do. Just ask friends of Suleimani, the Iranian major general who was a major problem until Trump’s airstrike turned him into a carpet stain.
Do you think anyone in Iran is afraid of Biden’s national security team? The team that brought us Afghanistan? Let’s see. You got a president who could barely walk, a veep that can barely talk, a secretary of defense who disappears for weeks at a time. A secretary of state who looks like he’s seen a ghost and a national security adviser who looks like that ghost. I haven’t seen a less impressive group of five people since I let that Menudo cover band sleep on my couch. So we’re in the red zone now, and Biden’s attempt to neutralize the mullahs by burying them under piles of money? That flopped. Things are changing faster than a girls swim team with Lia Thomas in their locker room. We’re in a dangerous place, and that’s not me talking. Here’s FBI Director Chris Wray:
FBI DIRECTOR CHRIS WRAY: Our most immediate concern has been that individuals or small groups will draw some kind of twisted inspiration from the events in the Middle East to carry out attacks here at home. Increasingly concerning is the potential for a coordinated attack here in the homeland, akin to the ISIS-K attack we saw at the Russia concert hall just a couple weeks ago.
Sounds serious. Too bad our so-called leaders aren’t. In the old days, the battle of the three-letter agencies, the CIA and FBI versus KGB. Now the CIA and FBI worry more about DEI. And we have a DHS that’s M.I.A. on the border. It’s time to put out an S.O.S. We’ve never seemed weaker, and the bad guys can see it. And what they’re seeing is a president who thought this would work.
PRESIDENT BIDEN: I have one word: Don’t. Don’t don’t don’t don’t don’t, don’t.
Maybe that was Joe reacting to Dr. Jill approaching him with an anal thermometer. Now, laughing over the old poop joke. Now, Iran could also be looking to further draw from the ‘Bank of Holocaust Goodwill.’ By baiting Israel into doing something out of proportion to the attack. That’s one thing Iran and other antisemites will never forgive Israel for. The fact that 6 million of them were murdered must be part of that Jewish plan for world domination. If that’s what Iran is up to, that’s also something new.
And that could normalize more direct attacks on Israel. And while John Kirby blames Trump for all this, the White House has been busy enriching Iran by waiving sanctions against Iran selling oil. **** PayPal would have been a lot easier, Joe.
So, really, the big day wasn’t Saturday, it was Sunday. And all the other days after the attack. Please, someone explain that to Joe, even if you have to use flash cards.
